Valentine's special

So I was just checking out the schedule of the Valentine's week. And what I saw set me to think a little. As it stands today and has been for many years in past and would be for several more to come :

Feb 7   - Rose Day
Feb 8   - Propose Day
Feb 9   - Chocolate Day
Feb 10 - Teddy Day
Feb 11 - Promise Day
Feb 12 - Kiss Day
Feb 13 - Hug Day
Feb 14 - Valentine's Day
Feb 15 - Slap Day
Feb 16 - Kick Day
Feb 17 - Perfume Day
Feb 18 - Flirting Day
Feb 19 - Confession Day
Feb 21 - Break up Day

If you aren't already smiling lightly thinking about the one and what all shall you two do on each of these days, think rationally again. Don't you sense an irrationality here somewhere ?


For one, before I talk of anything else, this is 14 days from 7 to 21 and in my computer's calendar these 14 days are spread in two weeks and not one. So the name Valentine's week is kind of absurd in itself. But on large, yes ordering is what I was talking about. Bingo ! I am assuming this is supposed to be based on classical pattern of a single climax which is in end and no anti climax type strategy.

So why should Teddy come after chocolate ? I mean I know girls like teddy and stuff and all but again why ? Chocolates are so much more romantic and yum compared to teddies ( If you try to eat them, so I mean ).

Also why is chocolate and teddy after propose  ? Should they not be gifts exchanged by then. Teddy and chocolate seem generic enough to be exchanged with friends as well. Also why is promise not along with propose day ? I mean first you propose then you make merry for couple of days.  Eat chocolate and then you take a teddy and then you say - "A'rite, if this has to work, lets lay down some ground rules !" That is not how it can work.

Then more - why is a hug day after a kiss day ? This was the most repulsing thought I got which prompted me to write. And while I was trying to justify a kiss without coming close to make a hug, I was thinking of host of things from a long straw to kiss smilies on mobile phones. Lets not talk more on this, else I'd be officially tagged as being eww :P

Now if its picking up pace too fast, from teddies to kiss in 6 days, you better not act shy & conservative and call 14 Feb as Sex day. I mean Valentine was a saint for god sake. Why associate his name with sex  ? Would you want your name to be substituted with sex ? Would you like when boys and girls talk in hostel to each other - "Oye when was it that you first did Pankaj." Or "Himanshu is over rated" or "I love cigarettes after Supriya". Plus this Valentine dude is dead. Have some tenderness associated with his name. Please.

Now Feb 15 is slap day and feb 16 is kick day. That is the only correct thing here. It in fact is so correct that it agrees well with calling 14 Feb as sex day too. :P Just one problem however is, I'm a north Indian who we all know are aggressive by nature. There is no point splitting up the action in two days like two rounds of a boxing match. Better put it all together and call it Fight Day.Also lets book 16th for getting all wounds covered and letting them heal.  So lets call that First Aid Day. Yes, I did see Fight club recently :D 

Now after that what is a Perfume day really ? I am so bowled out with this having spent last whole night trying to figure what it was actually. So I finally have reached a conclusion - its just some random day if at all and which "happens" to fall in Valentine's week. You know like Teachers day and independence day. Just something else.Though I wonder now, what if Indian Rakshabandhan "happened" to fall in the week only. But as we need to put something in, lets make it First Aid Day 2. ( You may well have celebrated a Fight day with a Punjabi :D )

Then you have a flirting day. This is hilarious too. When you two have already had sex , why would you flirt ? Unless you are a geek and have made a time machine and move around a lot for "fun", it makes no sense to me. Only thing it could mean is , well, you start flirting with someone else. You know, preparing for the next year. They say, well begins is half done. Its probably a good time to take an early lead. Plus you must be pissed of with slaps and kicks at Fight day too. You just forgot to call her back after you two had "Rakesh". What was the big deal really ? So to get back onto her/him, you start flirting with someone else. So I think timing is perfect, just that it is perceived wrong in masses. Lets change its name to Flirting with someone else day. Just for clarity sake, you know.

Then you have confession day which makes sense after flirting with someone else day. It is followed by Break-up day on 21. Break up is okay but why is there a holiday on 20 ? If you been having something everyday, what wrong has 20 done ?I agree 20 is not a very appealing number, but not too unfortunate either. I think we should call it Cry day for you cry after confession ( both making and listening) and when you are hardened with a day's cry, you are feeling fresh for a break up the next morning.

Now it fits in one picture. All logically consistent. So to put all pieces together, this is the final schedule for Valentine's week two weeks, we all have agreed on.

Feb 7    - Rose Teddy Day
Feb 8    - Propose Chocolate Day
Feb 9    - Chocolate Rose Day
Feb 10  - Teddy Propose Day
Feb 11  - Promise Day
Feb 12  - Kiss Hug Day
Feb 13  - Hug Kiss Day
Feb 14  - Valentines Sex Day
Feb 15  - Slap Fight Day
Feb 16  - Kick First Aid Day
Feb 17  - Perfume More First Aid Day
Feb 18  - Flirting [with someone else] Day
Feb 19  - Confession Day
[Feb 20 - Cry Day ]
Feb 21  -  Breakup Day


I think I should make bucks by contacting Archies and letting them know they too can make bucks by printing cards for First Aid day before others do.


Wishing you all a very happy (or whatever) Valentine's two weeks.  :)
-

NG